


Captain Trippy

by seashadows



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, Prompt Fic, Sickfic, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 12:39:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seashadows/pseuds/seashadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toki has the douchebag flu, and so does Nathan. There's only one thing to do about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Trippy

**Author's Note:**

> Gift fic for misdreya on livejournal. The title is from Stephen King's "Captain Trips" superflu, and some credit for the situation goes to "The Great Gilly Hopkins."

As far as nights in Mordhaus went, tonight was pretty fucking slow by Nathan Explosion’s standards. No groupies, a pretty minimal amount of drinking (a third of a bottle of vodka and the dregs of whatever Pickles had left in his room the last time he was there, to be more specific), and a few caps’ worth of NyQuil – probably the lamest night that he’d had since he stopped living with his parents. And, as usual, it was all Toki’s fault.   
  
At the last concert, some five-year-old douchebag fan had managed to get backstage and had given Toki a very sticky hug, making the rhythm guitarist go into one of his screaming hissy fits and prompting some Gear or other (Nathan thought it might have been #26672, but he was never sure about that shit) to conk the stupid kid in the head. Pickles managed to get it on video, the video went viral on YouTube, and everyone would’ve forgotten about it if luck had been on their side.   
  
Except it wasn’t, because it was _Toki_ fucking _Wartooth_ and he was never lucky. A week after the concert, he started coughing, then sneezing, then complaining that he was “hots all de time” (Skwisgaar had told him he was wrong about that, which would’ve just been annoying if they hadn’t jumped into a fucking hilarious screaming-and-punching fight right after). By the time Charles managed to get him to the doctor, Nathan had started feeling like shit, too.   
  
Which pretty much led back to where he was right now – stuck in bed on a perfectly good Friday night with the beginnings of the flu. Stupid Toki. And stupid fans; he knew there was a reason he hated their fucking guts, even when they were five years old (he guessed five-year-olds _technically_ couldn’t keep from being douchebags).   
  
Letting out a low, deep cough that rattled painfully in his chest, he flopped over onto his stomach for the zillionth time in probably half an hour, groaned, and buried his head in his pillow. His bed was usually comfortable enough that he could get to sleep without too many problems, but tonight, no. “Bed of nails,” he mumbled. “Brutal.” Maybe _that_ was what that saying meant – like, someone got really sick and their bed felt like it was full of nails. Which was a pretty good song title, actually…Bed Full of Nails.   
  
He’d gone through another five or so stomach-to-back flops, and vice versa, when there was a loud knock on his door. “ _What?_ ” he growled, then coughed again.   
  
No one answered. For a few awesome seconds, Nathan thought the dick on the other side of the door had gone away, but then the dick talked. “Nathan?”   
  
“ _Motherfucker_ ,” Nathan said. Of all the people to bother him when he was sick, it _had_ to be the guy who’d gotten him sick in the first place. “Fuck off, Toki. I’m trying to fuckin’ sleep.” Kid needed a punch in the face.   
  
“ _Please_ , Nathan.” Unless Nathan had lost his hearing and was hallucinating crap (which was impossible when he wasn’t drunk), Toki’s voice was actually _shaking_. “I needs you’s help.”   
  
_Now_ there was a problem. Nathan really didn’t want to move – like, it felt like he’d fall over and bruise something if he did, he was that achy and dizzy – but if he didn’t, Toki would probably roam around Mordhaus and whine to someone who would _actually_ beat him up instead of just thinking about it. “Ugh, _fine_.” Rolling over with some difficulty, Nathan lurched out of bed and stumbled over to the door, then yanked it open with a sweep of his arm.   
  
Toki stood there with his arms clasped around himself, shivering (well, duh – he was _sick_ , and he was only wearing a pair of really gay pajama pants with butterflies on them). “Nathan,” he said, his voice somewhere between a whine and a sob. “I needs help.”   
  
Nathan let out a low, annoyed sigh that scraped his throat and made him cough. “Get to the fuckin’ point. If you don’t let me get back to sleep, I’ll…uh…punch you.” That was a pretty good threat, and one he could carry out even when he was sick. Punching someone didn’t take that much effort.   
  
Toki only clenched his arms tighter. “I pees myselfs,” he said in the tiniest tone imaginable, face pointed towards the floor. The only parts Nathan could see were the tip of his nose and his forehead. “I sorries – I just all hots and I don’ts wake up for time to go pees in de toilets, and _please_ , I don’t wants a punish –“   
  
“Toki. Slow down.” The stupid dildo’s accent always got worse when he was upset…and what the hell did he mean, he didn’t want a _punish?_ Did he think someone was going to hurt him for pissing his bed? That was… _seriously_ messed up. “You’re not gonna get _punished_ , okay? Fuck, it’s just piss. Murderface does it all the time and no one cares.”   
  
“I…I knows.” Toki shook his head and sniffled. “I just d-don’t want no Gear lookings in my bed, and dey sees I pees in it, and dey tells all de ‘haus. Den Skwisgaar an’ Moidaface, dey laughs.”   
  
Oh. That kind of made sense; you never knew when the Gears were going to decide to talk about something, even _on_ pain of a really brutal death. “They’re assholes,” Nathan growled, coughed again, and peered at Toki. “Are you _sweating?_ ”   
  
“ _Nei_. I’s c-colds.”   
  
“Mother _fuck_ ,” Nathan grumbled. Toki only went into total Norwegian-mode when he was about to cry or something. And sometimes when he was about to puke. “What do you want _me_ to do about it?”   
  
“Don’t knows.” Toki wiped his eyes with his forearm. Looked like he _was_ about to fucking cry. “I j-just comes here, ‘cause you de guy in de band what won’ts be mean if I pees mineself.”   
  
He kind of had a point. Pickles was always too high to help, Skwisgaar though Toki was a dildo anyway (which he was), and Murderface only liked his own piss. “Fine. _Whatever_.” Nathan let out another cough off to the side. Toki was right; it _was_ pretty motherfucking titty-twisting cold in this hallway, and he didn’t want to stand here yakking if he could be in bed. “Look. You can, uh. Sleep here tonight, okay? I’ll deal with your gross piss sheets when I don’t feel like shit.”   
  
Toki gave his eyes another rub and looked up. His face was weirdly pale, but his cheeks were splotched red – he looked all sad and pathetic, like a little kid. “But I gots piss in my sleepies pants.”   
  
Gross. Why hadn’t Nathan thought about _that_ when he invited him in? “Take ‘em the fuck _off_ ,” he said. “Put ‘em on the floor, just – away from my bed.” He yawned; goddammit, when did he get so tired? “Do you have piss, like, stuck to your legs or anything?”   
  
“Umm…” Toki pulled open his waistband and looked down. “I don’ts t’ink so.”   
  
“Good.” Stifling another yawn, Nathan pointed back into his room through the door. “Get in. In bed, I mean. If you do anything gay, I’ll hit you in the fuckin’ boner.”   
  
“I don’ts got a boners, Nathan.” Toki walked the few steps into Nathan’s room and flumped down on his bed, burying his face in a pillow. “I don’ts get boner when I feels all ickies.”   
  
“Okay. Yeah, no boners. And no puking, either.” He’d probably better give him a warning about that, too, or Toki would definitely puke in his bed. Gross. Lying down on his own side of the bed, he shoved the pillow over his head and grunted in discomfort. “Nngh. Fuckin’ shit.”   
  
“Ja,” Toki agreed from within his pillow. “Fuck shits.”   
  
“Huh,” Nathan said. “Yeah. Fuck shits.” He snorted into the mattress; for some reason, Toki was actually sounding kind of funny tonight. Probably the stupid fever.   
  
He _definitely_ didn’t fall asleep fast because Toki was there. Probably just fell asleep within a few minutes because he was tired from talking to Toki and letting him know he wasn’t going to get punished for pissing himself. Hell, he didn’t even _know_ when he fell asleep, because he didn’t like looking at the dumbass clock. The numbers weren’t black; they were _green_.   
  
But anyway, Toki woke him up – by _crying_ , and by clinging onto him like one of those stupid fucking plastic sucking cups you threw at the wall. He was mumbling nonstop in Norwegian, and even worse, he was _hot_. Not hot like sexy, but hot like _oh my fucking god, it’s a furnace from hell_ hot. Nathan wasn’t a stupid pussy nurse or anything, but he’d been sick sometimes when he was a kid, and he knew what a fever felt like. “Hey, Toki. _Toki_. You asleep?”   
  
Toki mumbled something into his chest and squirmed fretfully against him. “ _Beklager_ , Nathan, _jeg er syk_ ,” he moaned. “ _Kald_ …”   
  
Nathan didn’t know any Norwegian, but _kald_ probably meant _cold_ , right? Toki felt cold. “That sucks,” he said. What the hell could you say to someone who probably didn’t even hear you, they were so sick? Maybe he could warm him up or something…baths helped, right? “Hey, Toki. You want a bath?”   
  
Toki let go of him a little and glanced up with eyes gone huge and dark. Whoa – fevers were _metal_ , if they did that to eyes. The last time Nathan had seen pupils that big had been…well, it had to have been when they’d done Yopo. He didn’t remember much about that, except for the drumbeats, but he remembered the eyes. “A bat’?” he croaked. “Real hots an’ nice?”   
  
Nathan would have rolled his eyes if Toki wasn’t too sick to get pissed off. “Sure,” he said, coughing so hard that for a second, he thought he might throw up. After making sure he wouldn’t, he pushed Toki away a little, sat up, and threw the blankets off his body - _fuck_ , that was cold! Were the Gears fucking with the heating again? They’d die if they were. “Can you get there by yourself?” he asked, voice even raspier than usual. “To the bathroom?”   
  
Toki pushed himself up on an elbow and abruptly flopped back down. “ _Nei_.”   
  
It was a good thing no one was there to watch, then, because Nathan wasn’t going to let him just lie there like a dildo sack. Heh…sack of dildos. That was awesome. Anyway, Toki was going to get a fucking bath if Nathan had to pick him up and carry him there himself. “Can you stand up?”   
  
“ _Nnn_ ,” Toki groaned. “You helps?”   
  
Oh, god. “Fine,” Nathan rumbled, grabbing onto Toki’s arms and lifting him to his feet. “Lean on me, but…uhhh. If you ever tell _anyone_ about this…”   
  
“I knows,” Toki interrupted, then coughed. “You kills me and I hamburgers time.”   
  
“Right.” Maybe it was just because he was high on cough syrup, but Nathan thought Toki seemed even _more_ clingy and gay than he usually did. His face was uncomfortably close to the front man’s left nipple, and Nathan cleared his throat, feeling his face flush. “Okay. Yeah. I’m gonna put you in the bathtub, and, uhh…don’t hamburger time. And you owe me.”   
  
“Why I owes you?” Toki yawned, still clinging as Nathan dragged him into the bathroom and gave a low, hoarse shout to turn on the scream-activated lighting. _Shit_ , that hurt. “You sounds like dinoskaurs, Nathan.”   
  
“Like a T-rex?” Nathan leaned down, closed the bathtub drain, and flipped on the taps. “Whoa, hey – good song title. Metal Monster. A T-rex gets… _rabies_ or something and kills a fuckton of people. Awesome.”   
  
“Dat’s metals,” Toki said, but his voice was small, and it was followed by a scary-sounding thump. Nathan spun around, his vision spinning dizzily, and caught himself mid-sway in time to see Toki planted ass-first on the floor.   
  
“The fuck’s wrong with you?” he said. If he had to take Toki to the infirmary because of this, he’d be _pissed_.   
  
Toki breathed in, let the air out in a harsh-sounding gasp, and started coughing. “I f-feels real bad,” he choked between coughs. God, he sounded like he was…pretty close to hamburger time. Shit – what if he died in _Nathan’s_ bathroom and everyone thought Nathan killed him? Fuck! They pretended not to, but the band liked Toki.   
  
“Toki. Hey, _Toki_ …shit, calm down. Try to, uhh…breathe, okay?” With some difficulty, considering how much his own muscles were aching, Nathan slid down onto the floor and patted Toki on the back. “Don’t fuckin’ die. Who dies ‘cause they get the _flu?_ That’s not metal.”   
  
_Finally_ , after a minute or so of back-rubbing, Toki stopped coughing and leaned against Nathan’s shoulder. “I hates de sicks,” he rasped. “Ams de bat’ all readies, Nathan?”   
  
Oh, right, the bath. It usually only took a few minutes to fill up, because the water pressure was _heavy metal_. That was what the scientists called it, and Nathan thought it was awesome. “Sure.” He reached up and flipped the taps off, then heaved himself to his feet, bringing Toki with him. “Okay. Get in.”   
  
Toki coughed again, wiping his mouth on his hand. “Whats if I falls to sleep, and breathes in de waters and does a drownings?” he asked. His eyes were huge and blue, and Nathan would swear that they were watering. Fuck. “Please, Nathan – you stays in de tubs wit’ me?”   
  
Nathan heaved a giant sigh and rolled his eyes. “ _Fine_. But you better not do anything gay.” Actually…it sounded kind of nice, taking a bath with Toki. He could feel the steam coming off the surface of the water, which would feel good on his skin, and Toki…well, he wasn’t the worst bath partner ever. Probably.   
  
He peeled off his underwear, then carefully held onto Toki’s shoulders and helped him get into the tub. “Does it feel okay?” he asked once his bandmate was in the water. “’Cause I’m, uhhh…gonna get in. If it’s too hot, I’m gonna kill you.”   
  
“Amens’t too hots, Nathan. I don’ts need to die.” Toki yawned; his dilated pupils and the hair fanning out around his face made him look like a damn kid. Except for his – oh, mother _fuck_.   
  
Shaking his head to get the gay thoughts out, Nathan stepped into the tub, grunted as the contrast of the hot water made goosebumps ripple up his body, and slid all the way in. “ _Fuck_ , yeah.”   
  
“Fucks, ja,” Toki agreed, then splashed a little, giggling (yeah, actually giggling). “Hey, Nathan?”   
  
“ _What?_ ” What was wrong with Toki, interrupting his thoughts when he was enjoying his fucking bath? Nathan shot him a glare, then sniffled as the heat of the water started to unclog his nose. “Spit it out already.”   
  
“Ams you take anyt’ings for dis?” Toki asked. “Like a mediskins. You feels better.”   
  
…okay, so Nathan hadn’t been expecting _concern_. Weirdly enough, for once, it didn’t seem too horribly gay that Toki cared. They were both sick, after all. “Yeah,” he began, and then cut himself off with a sneeze so loud as to reverberate off the walls. Oops. “Sorry,” he mumbled.   
  
“Gross, Nathan!” Toki shrieked. “Gets a tissues or somet’ings.”   
  
“Fuck you,” Nathan said. Seriously, though, what if he _did_ fuck Toki? They’d be all wet and hot from the fever, and Toki’s face would look like he’d just eaten a ton of candy and liked it, and _what the hell was he doing_ , thinking about fucking Toki? No more goddamn NyQuil for him.   
  
And, of course, Toki was talking again now. “Dat’s okays,” he said, patting Nathan’s shoulder. “Bless yous, Nathan. Betters out dan in.”   
  
“That’s what she said,” Nathan replied. Okay, _definitely_ no more cold meds. The only person in Mordhaus who could get away with saying ‘that’s what she said’ shit was…well, Toki.   
  
And Toki was currently giggling in the tub, so that kind of proved his point. “ _Ja_ ,” he sputtered. “Dat’s trues! She _ams_ say dat, when Skwisgaar fucks her in de rec rooms and dey don’ts know I sittings dere, and –“   
  
Nathan knocked him lightly over the head with a fist. “Shut _up_! God. I don’t need to know about Skwisgaar’s stupid skank groupies.”   
  
Toki yawned again. “Sures. Dey real slutties, and…stuff. I don’t wants to fucks dem. I fucks somes-one what ams real nice, and…” He trailed off with another coughing fit. “Hey, Nathan?”   
  
“ _What?_ ”   
  
“T’anks you. I takes care mine own piss sheets when I feels better.”   
  
Ew. Right. Nathan had kind of forgotten about those. “No problem,” he said. Truth be told, he was feeling kind of sleepy, and stuff like piss just didn’t bother him when he was all warm and comfortable and not stuffy like a dildo. “I’ll just…I dunno. I’ll make a Gear do it and then kill him. Then he won’t tell anyone.”   
  
There was no answer. “Toki?” Nope. “Hey, _Toki!_ Are you dead?”   
  
A soft murmur, and something equally soft on his chest, made Nathan look down – only to see that Toki had fallen asleep, just like he said he would. Only he wouldn’t drown, because his head was right on top of Nathan’s right manboob. Fuck.   
  
Nathan growled a little, and would have punched the stupid little dildo right off his body and into next week, but…maybe he didn’t have to. Toki was _sick_ , after all; it wasn’t like he could help it. “Fine,” he groaned, knowing the rhythm guitarist wouldn’t hear him. “Go to sleep. I’ll just fuckin’ carry you back to my room, and that’ll be _gay_.”   
  
But he didn’t have to do it right away. “I can stay here a little,” he said in a quieter, more tired tone, flicking the drain open. It was comfortable there, after all, and Toki was warm, and maybe the tub wasn’t such a bad place to take a nap.   
  
In a few minutes, he’d get up and put Toki back in his bed. But for now, maybe he could just be gay a little bit more.


End file.
